the abyss means...

Pisces: Feb 20 - March 20

Well now, Pisces! You don't need to read your horoscope to know which area of your life is taking up your energy just now. Of course, it's all to do with your relationships. If you are currently single, then you won't be for long and in any event, perhaps you are because something has just ended. A continuation of what has been before is unlikely, and ultimately this works out best for both of you. Initially, you may discover your differences, but what is left is a new respect and regard for each other or kiss good-bye and thank God for the good times. Life settles down a bit later in the month but the Full Moon on the 10th marks a point of before and after.
Annabel Burton

(I'm not sure that one makes much sense. I'll start something or I'll end something, and the 10th will mean a point of before and after. Before and after? Surely before the 11th and after the 9th?)

Nothing will happen to you for quite some time. Stay in bed until the 3rd then check your mail. Have a sandwich.
BBC - h2g2 - Horoscopes

(Good advice. Should've stayed in bed and had a sandwich. Instead I went out and lots happened...)

You're in a rare take-charge kind of mood on September 1st and 2nd, so take advantage of your aggressiveness to get extra tasks accomplished. Your views are open to change on the 3rd and 4th, and again on the 30th, but you're more likely to stay within the comfortable boundaries you've set up for yourself on the 9th, 10th and 11th -- this isn't to say that you aren't free to dream about coming out of your shell on these days, but you probably won't have the desire or will to turn fiction into reality. You make a long-term commitment with every intention of seeing it through on the 14th, 15th or 16th, but you can't help but get distracted on the 17th and 18th -- it's okay to get sidetracked as long as you eventually get back to finishing what you started. Your ego is easily bruised when you overhear something untrue about yourself on the 22nd and 23rd, but you readily accept genuine compliments on these days, preferring not to be pessimistic about a rumor mill that you cannot control. You're an expert in the most efficient and effective processes on the 24th and 25th, but you're much more passion-driven in your pursuits on the 28th and 29th, preferring to follow your intuition rather than let the facts lead the way.
Astrology.com

(I'm looking forward to the rumour mill part of this one! The rest says I will have days of drive and not drive. Hmm. Doesn't everyone?)

Pisces: Pffffft...HA HA HAAARGH!... Sorry. I toook a look at your stars for this month and hahahaha HAAAAAAAARGH!!! Sorry. BWA HA HAH HA HAAAAA!!!!! Oh jaysus. Just keep your privates away from electrical sockets this month, that’s all I can say.
Lucky duck: Mallard
Scaryduck

(I'm going to bear that one in mind.)

Mars and Mercury, the planets that have been tormenting your sign these last few weeks and turning some Pisceans into impatient, snarling orcs, are thankfully stopping their retreat this week. From hereon, what you do stays done and appointments get kept. The new, irate you isn't going away however. With Mars on your case all the way to Christmas, what the self-help books call 'appropriate expression of anger' is an issue.
Observer (Week Ahead)

(Grr. I'm. Just. So. Angry. I'm an angry, angry person. Watch me roar. Or not, possibly not. Or is that an 'appropriate expression of anger'? I hope this one is not telling me I have to read self-help books...)

As someone of the sign Pisces, you tend to be a very stupid person. Today things look good for you at home, stay at home! All signs point to you being lucky in love. Oh no! the stars forsee disagreements with co-workers today. As a Pisces, you are compatible with people of the sign Taurus. Unfortunately, you are not compatible with people of the sign Scorpio. Your lucky lotto numbers for today are: 4, 9, 29, 27, 6, 18.
Horoscope Generator

(Ah. Again with the staying at home. It sounds best. After all, I'm not that bright... Perhaps I should tell my co-workers that I've been told to stay home by two 'horoscopes'? Hmm. But would that cause strife?)

Your moods will be strongly influenced by aliens over the next few days. This will be a good year for you on a spiritual level and could see you rise to a new plane of awareness. You have begun to realise how much more accurate the Downing horoscopes are than those in Chat, Hello and The Sun...
Downing Horoscopes

(I might well have begun to realise how much more accurate the Downing horoscopes are than those in Chat, Hello and The Sun... )

Strange how the 'made-up' horoscopes seem just as sensible as the 'real' ones...

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Is this you?

You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.

The Forer Effect...
http://skepdic.com/forer.html

I am John's third eye on September 24, 2003 09:59 AM

The most common explanations given to account for the Forer effect are in terms of hope, wishful thinking, vanity and the tendency to try to make sense out of experience, though Forer's own explanation was in terms of human gullibility. People tend to accept claims about themselves in proportion to their desire that the claims be true rather than in proportion to the empirical accuracy of the claims as measured by some non-subjective standard.

Fascinating. Thanks!

joh on September 24, 2003 11:31 AM

Perhaps the reason the made-up ones seem as sensible as the "real" ones is that astrology is...oh I don't know...bullshit?
:-)

Bill on September 24, 2003 06:42 PM

Naaah. That can't be right!

:-)

joh on September 24, 2003 07:37 PM